


Rule #3: Do Not Fuck Your Best Friend's Boyfriend (In An Air Vent Or Otherwise)

by petroltogo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (Eventually) Proper Communication, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Attempt at humour, Banter, Cussing, Especially Not When You're Wearing Earbuds, Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Flirting, Happy Ending, Hitter Bucky, Implied Stuckony, Leverage AU, M/M, Multi, Natasha is the only one focused on the job, No Cheating (At least neither Steve nor Tony consider it as such), No Drama, Polyamory, Thief Tony, Tony does things backwards, What Happens In Air Vents Does Not Stay In Air Vents, a lot of cussing, air vents, tony knows what he wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 09:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11033433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petroltogo/pseuds/petroltogo
Summary: Bucky is very, very good at getting himself into trouble. Example: He's been on site less than ten minutes and already he is forced to hide in a fucking air vent from a bunch of security guards who weren't even supposed to be in the building. Where he promptly makes out with his best friend's boyfriend. While said best friend is on the comms with them.At least the first part he gets to blame on Clint.





	Rule #3: Do Not Fuck Your Best Friend's Boyfriend (In An Air Vent Or Otherwise)

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse. And no regrets. I just wanted to write some relaxing banter, no drama, no conflict. Also Leverage AU (although it's very implied) because I'm (still) addicted to that show.

“The fuck are you doing, Stark?” Bucky hisses from behind clenched teeth.

Tony, manipulative little bastard that he is, just blinks up at him, looking so fucking innocent Bucky knows for sure it can’t be anything but a scam and _still_ can’t help but feel guilty about snapping at him.

 _You’re going soft, Barnes_ , he thinks for the fifth time in the last hour. _Let’s hope it doesn’t get you killed today_.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Tony asks, all wide brown eyes and pouty lips, as he presses his body closer.

Bucky is one breath away from shooting the pitiful moral left-overs he’s got to hell and lean that last inch in to fucking _devour_ him.

Honest as Bucky usually is with himself he’s not sure he’ll make it through this night without doing something he won’t regret as much as he probably should in the morning. Like fucking his best friend’s very hot boyfriend. Not that it would end their friendship, but Steve would definitely seek revenge, and the guy could be a serious pain. Besides the whole _trying to kill each other without actually killing each other, just to work together at the last possible second to turn a job around_ is really starting to get old.

“No, seriously, what are you doing?” Bucky asks again when Tony keeps wiggling restlessly and presses himself even closer, like he wants to crawl into Bucky’s skin or something. And considering they’re stuck in an air vent, it's not like they've had a lot of room to begin with.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you miss the part where I told you I’m freezing my ass off because this is an air vent with moving air in it and some people don’t have the body temperature of a god damn furnace?” Tony snipes, indicating that he has been complaining about the temperature—he’s right, it is a little chilly, especially with the sweat of being chased through the building twice still clinging to their skin, and that will never be sexy—for a while now.

Maybe he needs to try this listening thing that Natasha keeps mentioning pointedly.

“Whatever,” he grumbles distractedly. Puts an arm around Tony’s shoulders and another below his head, because dislodging the human limpet is impossible and his muscles are starting to ache. Besides it’s not like it’s a hardship to cuddle with cute, snarky Tony who breezes through security systems like they’re nothing, looking unfairly good while he does so. 

There’s a moment of silence as they both get comfortable, nothing but the sound of their breathing, even but a little too heavy to lay Bucky’s paranoia to rest completely, before.

“You’ve got a reason for keeping both your hands on my ass too?” Bucky raises a questioning eyebrow, hopes Tony can see it in the dim light. He could have just ignored it or pushed him off of course, but _come on_. 

Tony, unapologetic as always, simply tightens his grip. “It’s a very nice ass.”

Bucky, clinging to all the maturity and self-control he’s got, keeps his hands where they are instead of getting back at Tony with some very inappropriate fondling—because one, that’s fucking childish and can only lead to more bad decisions, and two, you think sex in a car is overrated and uncomfortable? Try having it in an air vent. Or, you know, don’t try it. Seriously, man. Don’t.

“And what does your boyfriend think about you appreciating other people’s butt like this?” Bucky shoots back. It’s supposed to remind the both of them that, all mutual attraction aside, one of them isn't on the market. But instead it comes out sounding far more teasing than Bucky intended. Which does absolutely nothing to break the mood.

Steve’s thoughtful hum in his ear on the other hand does the job just fine. Until he follows it up with a, “His boyfriend agrees, you do have a fantastic ass,” that is.

Bucky inwardly groans. Right. The earbud. He still isn’t used to the earbud. He still isn’t used to working in a team. And also, _what_?

“You really do,” Tony nods, serious like he usually is when he stares at laser beams or locks, trying to figure out the easiest way to cheat his way through the system. “And it feels even better than it looks!” he adds happily.

Bucky feels something between flattery, a faint sense of embarrassment, and exasperation. Why did he think working with a team would keep his admittedly very attractive ass out of trouble again?

Speaking of the team.

“Not that I'm not enjoying the audio porn or anything,” Clint cuts through Tony’s continued analysis of Bucky’s posterior, “But I’m trying to con a paranoid ex-CIA bodyguard into not killing my sorry ass, so could you please shut the fuck up?”

“Yes, well, if you’d done your job right we wouldn’t be stuck in this fucking vent in the first place!” Bucky growls, because how the hell can you miss the second guard route when you’re casing this place?

“Oh sure, blame me why don’t you–”

“Sure I do, it’s your fucking fault, Clint! Casing this place was your job, you sho-”

“Show time,” Natasha interrupts, all business, “Tony, Bucky, stay put until Clint gives you the all clear, keep yourselves busy. Steve, I need those codes yesterday,” which ends the erupting argument immediately.

They can be professional, occasionally.

Oh, who is he kidding?

“How are we supposed to keep ourselves busy?” Tony asks incredulously. “We’re stuck in an _air vent_.”

“Make out for all I care, just be quiet!” Natasha snarls back. Bucky still has that instinctive twitch towards his gun when she starts talking in that voice. It’s annoying but also understandable. Self-preservation is important in his line of work.

What’s less understandable is that Tony apparently decides to take Natasha’s advice, because suddenly there are a pair of lips on Bucky’s that have no business being where they are, nor are they supposed to feel so good, or move so perfectly or–

“Are they doing what they think I’m doing?” Clint asks with audible disbelief.

“It’s cute how you have to ask that,” Steve responds with an equally audible grin.

Steve. Shit.

Bucky jerks back.

“What the _fuck_ , Stark?”

“Tony,” Steve sighs on the comms, the sort of affectionate exasperation that makes Bucky feel honest to god ashamed. Like he’s going to hell for kissing Rogers' guy, rather than all the other, bloodier shit he’s done.

“What?” Tony says defensively. “He kissed me back!”

Which is not the part Bucky thinks Tony needs to be defensive about—but then what does he know about relationships?

“Tony, we’ve talked about this.” Steve coughs. It sounds suspiciously like a laugh. And just like that Bucky is back to wanting to punch him in the face. “You need to use your words.”

Really, Steve is worryingly unconcerned by his boyfriend’s actions. Bucky narrows his eyes. There are plenty of stunts he’s pulled in the past that Steve must still want to get him back for, and this is beginning to look suspiciously like some twisted sort of payback. He hasn’t figured out Tony’s angle yet, but he’s undoubtedly got one as well.

“Okay, okay,” Tony breathes. He’s tensing up now though, and Bucky isn’t surprised when a minute passes without either of them saying anything. Eventually though, his patience is rewarded. 

“So the thing is,” Tony starts, then suddenly seems unable to stop, the words pouring out of him faster and faster, until the mesh into each other, become almost impossible to understand, “I’ve had a crush on you for a while now, but that’s okay, I talked it over with Steve and looked it up on the internet and there’s this thing some people are where they’re kind of a little in love with more than one person at the same time and Steve and I have been talking about what’s fine and what isn’t and I really should’ve started by asking what’s fine for you but I got distracted and I wanted to kiss you for so long and I’m not gonna apologise for that but I’m sorry I did it instead of checking with you first. But I like you and I want to do it again if you don’t mind and you and Steve can figure out whatever you want whenever but I’d really like to date you both.”

Bucky…blinks. Tries to take in the mess of an explanation that’s just been thrown at him–kind of feels like it’s burying him, with the way his thoughts are swimming, if he’s entirely honest.

“Holy shit,” Clint whispers in genuine terror. “I can’t believe _Tony_ is the mature, let’s talk about feelings guy in this crew.”

“I can’t believe I still don’t have those codes,” Natasha snaps. “Steve!”

Bucky ignores them both.

“You want to date me?” he repeats slowly, and no, it doesn’t sound any less far-fetched the second time.

“And have very hot threesome sex,” Tony agrees with a nod.

“Do you guys have to do this now?” Clint is back to whining. “There are reality TV shows for this shit, you know.”

“Shut up, Barton!” Bucky growls. Then, a little softer—but only a little—to Tony, “Why _are_ we doing this now?”

Tony shrugs, a fluid motion that Bucky feels with his entire upper body. The reminder of just how closely they’re pressed together does little to help his focus.

“There just never seems to be a good time to bring up crazy, wild three-way sex in polite conversation, you know?” he asks, in that way of his that sounds completely reasonable and utterly ridiculous at the same time.

“So you thought cozying me up in an air vent with our entire team listening in on us would be the right time?” Bucky can’t not roll his eyes because _Tony_.

“Well,” Tony tilts his head in consideration, “it didn’t seem to be the worst time.”

The saddest part is that he’s right.

*

[An hour later after they narrowly escape yet another security team–those fuckers are everywhere, damn it–Bucky slams Tony’s back against the nearest wall and kisses him breathless.

 _“Not again!” Clint groans in exasperation_.

He’s still not convinced of the purity of Steve’s motivation, but Tony is too damn readable for his own good, and Bucky has got time to figure his and Rogers’ shit out. Besides, the team is starting to grow on him.]

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, and have a great week everybody!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: [tonystarktogo](http://tonystarktogo.tumblr.com/).


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